G merasa lain satu dua hari terakhir ini; how I feel prettier? How I feel happier?
Apakah marah itu telah hilang? How come...???!!! Apa g dah bisa ikhlas atas segala rasa kecewa itu? GOD, how come!!!
Hunny Heart O'Mine
Remembrance of Geography,
And memories of canopies,
Nothing to blame oh my hunny heart,
It's just wrong choice in my path...
The smiles of loved ones,
Undone proses and poems,
Nothing to blame oh my hunny heart,
It's just such pain in my life...
*weep no more, Sitta!!*
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
My Old Poetries
THE POETRY MINIMIZES ALL GOODS, SO THEY COULD ENTER YOUR HEART. EVENTHOUGH IT CAN'T REPLACE THEM, JUST DOES A LITTLE BIT DUPLICATION.
ONLY TWO RULES IN POETRY, THERE MUST BE THE HONESTY AND THE TRUTH....
Contents:
- Ghost
- Fatal Obsession
- Don't Be So Sad
- Solitaire's Poem
- For Me
- First Time Leaving Home
- No Need Much Words
- In A Winter Night
- Living Lonely (dedicated to Enya)
- I'm Sweeping
- A White River
- Thank God for These Convex Eyes
- Once Upon My Country
- Only If
- Grief and Remorse
- Wanting To Be Loved
- Rainy Fairytale
- Missing A Friend
- The Dawn Treader
- My 21 (an unsound state)
- Wrong Choice
I created a ghost
A spooky one
And it did it's job well
Haunting me !
* our fallacies and faults are the ghosts for ourselves *
It blows the loves away
And the understanding of truth
- May be the faith too -
It makes anyone crazy
Fatal obsession kills him softly
* too much of something is not a good thing *
The leaves always down
Everywhere, everyway, everyhow
Don't blame the blowing winds
Don't claim the sawing machines
The leaves will always down
The worms will not frown
There'll be an ending
No evergreen
* just learning how to take and give *
I'm in the sunset
Over a distant shore
Watching the sun goes down
And the sand which is so bright
Wondering of what's what goes on
And of something which had left me behind
I'm in the velvet grey
Though no fog hangs the air
The way has disappeared
A prayer holds me in breathing
* awaring that there's no other places to be in but God's *
A bedroom is a heart
A window is a sight
Today...today
When I can feel nothing
And be wondered of what's what inside me
That I will be on my way
Today...today
When something begins talking
And the life stands seriously
That the steps are mine completely
* ...when reaching my 20 *
There's no need much words
On showing
...the dream in every wink of eyes
...the fragrant winter
...the gentle flattery
...the hopes
...or the how big a love is
'Cause the things in our heart will be showed in our sight
I sit on my seat in a winter night
...am so lonesome
...am tired
I wish I could be cold and quite
...like the snow
...the dump
I need the time and room
...to think and cry
...to keep me hanging
The evacuation is my home
They say here is cold and frozen
But they know nothing
Here is a hope to talk with the sky and the stars
Here is a hope...
* I just understand how it'd feel like... *
They say I'm so silent
Have no words to say
Why can't they hear ?
That I'm sweeping
They guess I'm so apathetic
Have no attentions to show
Why can't they see ?
That I'm healing
* sometimes we need to be alone to fix the things in ours, it's just okay.... *
As I walked out home in one morning
And passed over a white river
I believed that I'd be back there someday
After times, the belief comes true
Now I am passing over that river again
But a white river has been a purple one
* only one morning for one day *
THANK GOD FOR THESE CONVEX EYES
How to imagine the moon if we have the concave eyes ?
The people also have to be rush on running here and there to see what happens
And the telescope has no uses at all
Thank God for these convexs eyes
* an ocean thank is not enough to pay a drop of God's mercy... *
There were the colour of the fruits and the smell of the breads
There was the beautiful morning when we went to the river to take a bath
There was the pain but it didn't mean that we forgot the joys
There was the young me who loved to play with friends and toys
There was the bright dawn came to my family
There was the young me who couldn't part the dream and the reality
If I were a cloud, I would ask the wind to blow me to the land that has no life
So I could change this pain into rain
If this pain were the water:) were not the gasoline
So this anger wouldn't be a flame
Grief :)
If I told you that you'd been forgiven, I meant it
But don't be so sure that the pain you caused had disappered
Remorse :)
If I told you that I was sorry, I meant it
But don't think that the regret I had had gone away
As a one in grey I was sitting on the edge of a street beneath the rain
As I watched the people with the colourful umbrellas in my scene walking with their boons
As I felt the cold strangled me tight then I tided on the cesspool dying
As I wanted to be loved
I travelled home on a bus
The wet wind blowed the windows, tough
The trees seemed to release their leaves
And the nymphs swung with their mysteries
There was such a squeezed throat
Because the atmosfer was so cold
Boy, I loved to hear the rain's rhythm
And hoped there're also the sound of the pipe of uilleann
I've never been counting the days since we're not together
Just caring of my longing to you
I've always been dreaming of you with my unsent letters
Just hoping that the same is what you do
No winds, no waves
Nothing in the dawn to be scared
No whizes, no crashes
Nothing in the tread to be shamed
The world said it's a great picture
But I left the day of my 21th birth
Hiding my happiness and sorrow
... I couldn't show my face
I couldn't find my 21
I lost my childhood and teenage
I was scared of growing up....
--wrong choice, place---cause sadness and regret of the days which had gone--I'll write later
It'd be nice if someday, I could write the beautiful poem(s), and there're the rests in my diary, I haven't written them here. Be back soon, okay ?
Last updated on September, 1999
Ode To My Family
Ode to My Family Page
Sometimes, we don't realize that our parents are the two of the best gifts for us. Okay, choose the poem title :
I'd never seen my mother crying
.......except when her mom died and when I was so silly
I'd never seen my mother complaining
.......except when something went to beyond the humanity
I'd never been spoiled by her
.......except when the illness ruined me down
I'd never done something hurted her
.......except what she'd forgiven
He'd never told me about the burdens
He'd never showed me his sweats
He'd never harrased me with his hopes
He'd never asked me to work
( I'd never known them until I found his poetry book )
.......it told them to me
.......it showed them to me
.......it harrased me
.......it asked me to
He'd never said anything about me
.......except in his prayer
Sniff, I told you before. IT'LL BE MOVING ME !.
Mother, Father, I'll always love you both.
Friday, September 03, 2004
Hearty Gift
My Biography
Hmm, I really love winter. You can see it through how often I use the wintery situation in my stories and poetries.
In my country, I only can meet rain in winter, that's enough after all, but I wish to be on the snowy field, near the sub-tropical forest. Do you think it is too much ?.
In winter, I enjoy the cold weather, pale day, wet wind.... Hmm, cold, pale and wet sound gloomy sometimes, but what I mean is winter not disaster, lol.
May be this liking of winter was begun on my childhood. I loved to read the books or at least to see the pictures about fairytale that came from the European countries, the cold countries.
Childhood..., the time when I had no burdens on my back and no aches in my head, when the world was so wide, when I never be scared of tomorrow.
Meeting winter seems bringing me back to be a kid, how lovely.
My Childhood (Prekindergarten, Kindergarten and Elementary School Grade)
I was born as the youngest child in family. That situation places me in an unique condition that I'll always be a little one and also be cared too much. Hmm, let me think my furthest memory, that's when I was... two years old, yea, when I was a very sweeeeet baby. I remember my red shoes which always accompanied my steeps with sound " tweet - tweet ". There was only a battery radio for amusing us in our woody home, no electricity, it's a very old-fashioned-time. The homes' roof was quite low, mainly the front room where I could hang the ceiling. We had a not-permanent-room at the top floor, I liked to sleep in there at night, my father always accompanied me to avoid me from falling downward. But when the electricity came, it was when I was about four may be, there'd be dangerous to use that room, so I couldn't go upstair to do some sleep.
* He he, actually I don't have enough memory about my age at my childhood time *
I was a careless little girl, for example I'd ever hurted my neighbour's child in an accident, that made me seemed naughty. Both my father and mother were working so I only could meet them at noon or evening, and my sisters also my brother were quite far from me in age, so I did't meet the adequate friends at home, eventhough like that, they loved me so (mainly, my father ). It ruined me lonely at home (sniff !!), so I tried to find friends outdoor. The children at my neighbourhood at that time were older than me and male. They received me to be their friend but sometimes they didn't and again I was left behind (sniff !!, again). Until then, when the younger ones were born, although they're also male, I think I had the better friends. We played together, yes I was the only girl among those boys, but I was older... and stronger. They couldn't left me behind. Ha ha ha, but I was a nice friend for them. But also, a careless one.
Sometimes I played with my sisters and brother too, they tough me to speak, ride bicycle, play kite..., it's beautiful. But it's just a little crush.... It's not enough to build my caracteristics, that the sisters and brothers should. By the way, it's just fine. We should find our identity on our own effort though. Oya, about my parents, just open my "Ode to my family" page . Do you know what's my favorite game ?, ha ha, yea, a tomboy girl's, just like playing the marble ball, kite, bicycle, climbing the tree, taking a rain-bath..., etc, but don't forget that I loved to read too, just like Smurf (and others of Peyo), Asterix, Books by Enid Blyton, Alfred Hitchock, Stefan Wolf...etc, even I made my own comics. I still remember that I "created" the creatures named Spusos for my comics, inspired by the cute imaginary creatures I fonded of, Smurfs !. Wow, all of them were fun !.
At the last years on my childhood I met good friends, we did many things together...hmmm. I also found a cute boy to be thought of, ha ha.
I think my childhood has been described enough. Let the other memories be kept on my mind, would you ?. Okay, now let's see, when Sitta was a teens....
My Teenage (Junior and Senior High School Grade)
May be it's my favorite ages, I met my important first time in there. I was so free in mind and also was so fresh to learn anything. I read many sweet books at my junior high times just like Candy-Candy, Pop Corn (Seito Shokun), Der Kleine Vampire, Detective Books ...etc, and heard Enya. I always had time for watching the sky, sunset,...moon that I can't do so that often lately. I grew and grew up more when entering senior high school grade, I can catched the meaning of the objects more. I still read my old books but also read the new ones just like Girl Talk, Dracula...etc. I also encouraged myself to read the serious book just like about Islam and other topics. Hmm, my teenage... when the first time that I created the nice short stories, comics, poetries and lyrics meaningfully. Oya, I met my sweet friends too at that times.
Ehm, actually I was (okay okay,...I am !) quite a shy girl at some events, just like when I have to speak in front off a large number of people, when I meet a new friend or when I meet a long lost friend. Ha ha, it really embarrases me. I think that bad mannor is caused by my childhood time, that I had not the adequate playmates. Sniff, how sad !. But I believe I could handle it soon.
My College Grade and Now
Actually, I'm not grown up enough but I always try to gather the lessons in my every step and breath (hmp !). I oftenly remember the past times and dream about them much. They really put my basic carasteristics, I'm not different much from myself when I was a child or was a teen. That's okay I think because I was not a bad girl, was I ?. I realize that sometimes I go on my childish way, but more time and experience are needed to be mature (am I right ?). Hmm, I have to go now, may be I'll write more then, but just enjoy this one, would you ?. Take care of you there !.
About Winter
Hmm, I really love winter. You can see it through how often I use the wintery situation in my stories and poetries.
In my country, I only can meet rain in winter, that's enough after all, but I wish to be on the snowy field, near the sub-tropical forest. Do you think it is too much ?.
In winter, I enjoy the cold weather, pale day, wet wind.... Hmm, cold, pale and wet sound gloomy sometimes, but what I mean is winter not disaster, lol.
May be this liking of winter was begun on my childhood. I loved to read the books or at least to see the pictures about fairytale that came from the European countries, the cold countries.
Childhood..., the time when I had no burdens on my back and no aches in my head, when the world was so wide, when I never be scared of tomorrow.
Meeting winter seems bringing me back to be a kid, how lovely.
About Tropical Country
I love winter, yes. But it doesn't mean that I don't like the place where I have been living in a lifetime: rich and beautiful tropical country, Indonesia. I thank God for that, that I could see the blue, bright and clear sky in allyear long. And don't forget the cool and gentle winds !, how I love them all.
Last updated on August, 1999
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